Space and other large things
by YelandaSithAssasin
Summary: After the defeat of the Empire, Luke's skills as a Jedi are no longer needed so he decides to start working as a private investigator. With the help of his annoying sidekick, Land Calrisian, Luke cracks his first big case.


_Space_, Luke thought, _is big. _You don't realize how big it is when you can travel by hyperspace routes. It could take many hundreds of years to travel from one end to the other at sub-light speed.

Why, Luke had even heard of a man who, through an unfortunate accident with a rubber band the hyperspace engines and a large bottle of alcohol, had spent most of his life on an inspiring and slow journey through space just to reach the closest repair station. His only companion on this epic journey was a female translator droid with an unfortunate case of Tourette's.

Thinking about the vastness of space always made Luke depressed, so he stopped. Instead he thought about the large dinner he would have when he got home from work. He always had a large dinner when he got home from work and as a result he had a rather rotund midsection. In fact his whole body was rather on the large side. Large enough that he felt the need to attend his local gym whenever they weren't having problems with their out of date jogging equipment.

Thinking about exercise also made him hungry which then led to thoughts about his work. _When space is so large, how then am I meant to find anyone? _He thought.

After the defeat of the Galactic Empire, Luke's skills as a Jedi were no longer needed. And seeing as how he wasn't that good of a Jedi anyway, he decided to start business as a private investigator. He chose private investigator as a likely job to meet attractive young women and get lots of money by following people home. So far he hadn't met any women under the age of 60 and hadn't been earning a whole lot of money and the whole thing made Luke feel a bit sorry for himself.

So far the only jobs that he'd had was searching for missing husbands which wasn't that hard because they'd all been hiding in the neighbors broom closets. Luke wanted a more exiting case with high speed chases and possibly a murder involved. He wanted a beautiful lady to express her undying love to him as he searched for her missing jewelry. All these exiting thoughts made Luke even hungrier so he decided to call it a day and eat that large dinner he had been thinking about all day.

He stood up and walked to his office door. He briefly glanced at the new plaque on the front. He was very proud of it and polished it regularly with his special plaque cleaning kit. _L. J. Skywalker, _it read, _Private investigator._

Just as Luke was about to lock the door, a man came running towards him, shouting in excitement. Luke squinted for a second then frowned in annoyance upon realizing who it was. Lando Calrisian, Luke's business partner.

Luke liked to think of Lando as his sidekick but Lando, funnily enough, didn't like this term and preferred to think of them as equal business partners.

Lando had decided to join Luke in business when he tried to give himself the rank of general by fiddling some numbers in the rebel's computers. They didn't take to kindly to this and had politely asked him to leave unless he wanted to lose a few vital organs. Taking the hint, Lando joined the circus and had a rather disappointing profession as a fire juggler were he burnt down the tent and set his bosses mustache on fire. Giving up on this career path, Lando then joined Luke, much to Luke's annoyance. The older man had a penchant for gambling and had lost a few of their credits this way, to which Luke responded by shaking him violently then removing his name from the door as a punishment making it, in Luke's opinion, a much nicer door to look at.

When Lando finally arrived to stand in front of Luke, he grinned wildly and waved something large and yellow in the air. Luke scowled.

'What is it Lando?' He said 'I'm in a hurry.'

Lando's smile grew and Luke noticed that he wasn't even puffed after his mad dash down the hallway outside the office. Luke's scowl deepened. Lando, a vain and shallow man in Luke's opinion, liked to keep his body nice and fit and his hair well-oiled and combed unlike Luke who looked shabby and a bit sad.

Lando waved the large yellow something a few more times for effect before practically shouting:

'it's a case.'

He beamed brilliantly and Luke snatched, what he now realized was a case file, from Lando's hand. Lando continued on in an excited voice.

'It's a real one this time, not like all the others with missing husbands hiding in broom closets.'

Luke opened the file, curious in spite of himself. It did indeed look exciting. It was a missing person case but instead of an errant husband, it was the wealthy teenage girl whose parents would pay handsomely for her safe return. Luke could already see all the new equipment they could buy with all this money, not to mention all those large dinners he could by with any money left over.

'Well?' Asked Lando whose grin, defying physics, had gotten even bigger.

Luke sighed, not wanting to look to eager.

'I suppose we could do it.' He looked away, trying to look irritated and unsure at the same time but just ended up looking constipated instead so he stopped.

'OK.' He said finally. 'Let's go over it in the office tomorrow.'

He went back into his office and placed the case file lovingly on his desk before locking the door and inviting Lando over for dinner to celebrate their first big case. Lando happily accepted and Luke nearly punched himself for forgetting how much he disliked Lando's company, especially at dinner time. With a defeated sigh, Luke turned and walked out of the building that his office was located in and turned towards home with a maddeningly cheerful Lando in tow.


End file.
